by Amelia Badri
The nineties were princess-tastic! From Lady Diana and Xena Warrior Princess to Princess Jasmine and Ariel. Even Princess Leia lived on through those of you rocking her iconic buns in anticipation of the newest Star Wars movie. Which iconic nineties princess is your ultimate hair match? Answer these simple questions to find out now.
- Did your hair wake for school curled up,
crying every morning no matter what you did?
- Did your mom curse and cry too when she was styling it?
(Because she had silky straight strands and didn’t know how?)
- Has it ever held a title of its own?
(E.g. “Forbidden Forest”, or been compared to Cousin It, a Chia Pet or a fox?)
- Did the tears stop there?
Or fall out faster when a girl sitting behind you stuck gum in it?
(That you quietly cut out at home because dark spirals are great at hiding worthless secrets.)
- Did your hair educate you?
Share vocabulary like flashcards.
With words people recited like heckling limericks.
- Which dictionary does one use to define a Dougla* gyal and what does it have to do with these naughty-knotty locks?
- Were your teachers the same ones who fought and questioned each curl?
- Did you stay up to interrogate yourself: Do you expect to look at me and see a specific country?
- Was your heart in an even more fragile state than your hair?
So the taunts always hurt more than the stones and sticks.
Let’s comb through a few more questions to reveal your royal likeness.
- Did your hair get more proposals than The Princess Bride?
They often asked: Ever tried taming it?
Like a dragon and her black puffs of smoke
(that stuck out too far and hovered on the sides of your head.)
- Maybe it just needed to be battled down in pink oil?
Or smothered with that shampoo that guaranteed to be tear-free,
and promised to detangle all your problems like a healing tonic.
Except at the end of every war, it was still parched and aflame with frizz.
- Wanted to look like a real princess this year for Halloween?
Bedazzled in rhinestones and your mom’s ruby lipstick?
But you always felt more like a werewolf,
fur-balling every crevice of your dad’s afro pick.
The princesses in our quiz database don’t have hair like yours at this time.
Thank you for taking our quiz!
*A Dougla is a Caribbean person of both Indian and African descent.
Amelia Badri is a Guyanese-American poet and teacher. She studied English at FIU and lives in Miami with her husband and daughter, Aurora. Her work mostly touches on her Caribbean roots.
Kelly Bourgeois is a Montana artist and native who captures contemporary scenes with contrasting colors. Her work encompasses dynamic flourishes of watercolor, gauche, resin and acrylic to make contemporary artworks that highlight various topics including nature, architecture and urban life. Her works are featured in numerous private collections around the country and exhibited in museums nationwide.